There's no Such Thing as an End
by Bleachedechelon
Summary: Byakuya and Renji have been together for 53 years now. When Byakuya is forced to face his greatest fear in life, he can't help but ask, how could one live without the other? (Byakuya X Renji or ByaRen)


_Hello! I submitted this fiction in a contest at my local anime con. I placed with this story out of the hundreds who submitted so I am proud to say that this is an award winning short story that you are reading. Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy it._

_-Ms. Sakura_

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It was raining the day they buried him in the ground. The sky was thick and shrouded with heavy grey clouds. Spring brought to life all that winter had kept smothered underneath layers of snow. Everything was in bloom; everything exuded life and purpose, except for Byakuya Kuchiki. His life was buried six feet underground, enclosed in the finest casket, dressed in his best clothes. A lifetime together was not enough. When he was younger, all he had lived was a life of nobility, allowing those to wait on him, hiding behind family lies and secrecy that a legacy of Kuchiki's had withheld. He had many arranged relationships that ended due to his own selfishness. His heart seemed to be the same steel grey as his eyes. He had questioned if anyone in this life would give him satisfaction, comfort, warmth, and companionship. He was sure that this was a question that everyone had at least once in their life, a crossroads, and a refusal to simply grow up. He could still remember the January day he met him.

Snowflakes were in the sky, and Byakuya was freezing as he dashed out of the university, books in hand. His breath puffed out in front of him like little clouds, his fingers quickly enveloped in the numbing sensation of winter. In the gloom something shone red, burning through everything around it. A tall young man with long blood red hair stood off to the side of the curb, tattoos traced across his forehead black as fresh ink. His image was so uniquely intricate; Byakuya found himself staring for much longer than he should have been. He shouldn't have been so distracted but something about this man's demeanor was so alluring he couldn't focus on anything else. This was when he hit a patch of ice, and he was down before he could even realize that he was falling. His books were now in complete disarray around him. This wasn't how a Kuchiki was supposed to present themselves in public. Thoroughly embarrassed, but too proud to show it, he rose up, dusting off his black trousers.

"I'm sorry about that, I must've been in your way." Apologized a rough voice from above him.

He looked up at a man smiling in the snow, snowflakes caught in his long hair, a complete contrast of the burning crimson color. He bent down to help the dark haired man pick up his books.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Byakuya muttered briefly, reaching to take his belongings back.

His icy hand barely brushed the other man's hand; he flinched back, as if he'd been branded. His flesh was so warm, so alive, pulsating with everything that Byakuya had never had in life.

The taller man smirked crookedly, "I'm Renji Abarai. And you are?"

Byakuya firmly stuck out his hand, "Byakuya Kuchiki. Literature major, with a minor in Philosophy."

Renji blinked, "Uh, I'm the guy who majors in stocking the vending machines, with a minor in small bagged chips."

Byakuya instantly withdrew his hand. "Oh, I apologize."

"Nothing to be sorry about, intelligence is a gift not everyone receives." Renji grinned.

Byakuya got caught in Renji's eyes; he was instantly intrigued. There was something in his smile, which drew him like a moth to flame.

"I'll see you around then Kuchiki." Renji interjected after an awkward silence.

"Yes." Byakuya nodded, swiftly heading off on his way.

That was how it all began, years of schooling, traveling, laughter, fighting, heartache, and love. Years of Renji's heart shaped cinnamon pancakes, and Byakuya's hidden love notes to Renji, always printed in his impeccable calligraphy. Renji had been admitted to the hospital a week ago for health complications. Byakuya was now facing the one thing that was out of his control. He thought it was a joke, when elderly people glanced back on life and referred to it as something with much brevity. Life to him always seemed to drag. Each day he spent over analyzing every detail in everything, down to the tip of his pencil to the cracks in the sidewalk. When he met Renji, life seemed to pass in a colorful blur. Each day was fulfilling and sweet, but try as he might, time slipped through his fingers. Before he knew it, the reflection in the mirror was no longer his own. His flawless porcelain skin gave way to soft wrinkles and subtle discoloration. His thick ebony hair began to bleach to white. Time was leaving its mark on him. He tried to ignore age, just like many things in his life; he tried to run away from time due to his own cowardice. Only when the love of his life lay, barely grasping onto the edge of life, did he stop running and face death.

Byakuya waited on his every need, he watched over him just to make sure his sleep was peaceful. He fed him lovingly, spoonful by spoonful. When Renji needed comfort, he reminded him of his days he spent painting in the bright studio they once owned by the ocean. Renji smiled brightly, he didn't remember the paintings so much as he remembered Byakuya watering his plants that grew vibrant pink blossoms every April. He could vividly remember the way his elegant fingertips embraced each petal. On the rare occurrence that Byakuya would leave the hospital he would always return with stacks of photo albums, old music Renji loved, and antique books that smelt like heather and moss. They spent each of their days reminiscing on every detail that had once seemed so unimportant to them; it was strange how illness seemed to put a whole lifetime of scattered moments into perspective.

When it came down to those last arduous days in the hospital, that's when Byakuya began to worry. He had tried to walk with Renji down the halls of the hospital but Renji could barely walk down the hallway without gasping for air, although Byakuya was just as old, he caught him every time he stumbled. It was only when Renji swore and threw his hands up and demanded to go back to bed did Byakuya give up their endeavor. He would refuse to accept the fact that there was a more than just a small chance that he would never walk with ease again.

Renji's spirit would not be conquered as he rolled back his head and laughed in the face of death as Byakuya sent the nurse for a wheelchair so they could get back to his room. Only once they were back in the room and Renji was tucked back in bed, did he finally speak his mind.

"Byakuya, I could feel it for months now, something strange in my body. It's a fragility I have never felt in my entire life. Now I know it was death, slowly eating away at me."

"Are you out of your right mind? You're not supposed to just bow down to death." Byakuya's eyes flared with a rare display of anger.

"Bow down to death?" Renji laughed once more, "I didn't mean it like that. I just know my own body and I understand what it's trying to tell me."

"Are you telling me you are done? Are you saying the fight is over? Did these 53 years together mean nothing to you that you would give up like that?" As Byakuya spoke these words, his voice rose with increasing fury.

Renji reached out, gently wrapping his hand around Byakuya's to help calm his nerves. For once, Byakuya had the warmer hands.

"Of course not. All I want now is to just lay here and close my eyes and have you beside me." He smiled softly, a faint upturn of his lips. "Your hand is so warm against mine." Renji's auburn eyes were glowing like fire. Then they slowly eased closed.

Byakuya struggled with himself; reining in his emotions like a wild animal he pressed them down inside the pit of his stomach.

"Oh… Byakuya?"

"Yes?" He spoke gently as to not betray himself with the shame of tears and distress.

"You have made my life worth living… …I love you." He smiled his familiar sharp grin, except this time it was followed by a small wince of pain.

"No, stop talking like that, I love you too, but I won't allow you to give up this easily." Byakuya sighed; laying his head on the edge of the hospital bed that smelt of latex and rusted pennies.

"That's all I wanted to hear, that you love me." Renji was quiet for a while then, and Byakuya thought he had finally fallen asleep.

Byakuya didn't mean to also fall asleep, but the soft rise and fall of Renji's chest under his head was so rhythmically soothing he was soon lost in his thoughts, and carried off to sleep.

Looking back on that moment now, he wished he had said something more, he wished mere words could portray the feelings he had in his heart. But once again, his words had betrayed him. In the end, Renji left either way. It was childish of him to think that he would come home. That they would somehow die at the same time, sparing the other of the pain and grief of a life less lived without their other half. They had always had each other.

When Byakuya awoke, the morning light was pale and unforgiving; the room was so cold it seemed completely frozen in time. He could feel something though, deep inside him, there was a void. It took him mere moments from this feeling to realize that while he was sleeping, Renji Abarai had passed. His eyes confirming what his heart felt flashed up to Renji's face. All the color had drained, leaving his once golden skin pallid and his flesh toned lips looking like bruises. Byakuya's mouth opened, but no words came out. He could feel tears trace down his cheeks and they felt so foreign. He didn't know what to do, horror and disbelief rushed through him in a giant wave. He could not resist it. These feelings were so grandiose, so uncontrollable and all consuming. He couldn't form a cohesive thought; he couldn't summon a doctor or a nurse. He could only weep softly to himself, shaking like the branches of a small bare tree in winter. He would never cry over it again, only Renji 's spirit would know of his tears on that sorrowful morning. He wouldn't let the rest of the world taste his defeat.

Weeks passed, Byakuya meandered throughout the home that was once theirs. He rose early just to watch the horizon spark to life. He went to bed early just so there was a little bit of light left, just so he wouldn't feel so completely and utterly alone in the darkness. People did come and visit him; his sister Rukia, and many of Renji's friends came to offer their condolences. But it was never the same without him. Life lacked that fast paced blissful blur. He was once again aching over each dreadfully slow minute. The clock seemed to be dragging so much that he just stopped looking at it all together. He began to feel himself deteriorating, being swept away like ashes. This feeling began to seep through his body, starting with an ache deep in his chest, and spreading throughout his bones, until even his skin was tender. His body was silently crying out for help, begging him to give mercy. His mind wasn't any better; he began to forget even the simplest things. Entering a room to complete a task he would often forget and just stand in a vague daze.

That night in bed he wondered if this is what Renji was talking about when he had said his body was so fragile, that death was claiming him bit by bit. Byakuya's bony hand stretched across the sheets, lying where Renji had once lain. Every barrier that he once had the will to hold up came crashing down. His whole life he had feared what he could not control, he had feared death for so long. But Renji welcomed it with open arms. He was fearless, even to the end. Byakuya adjusted onto his back once more, folding his hands on his chest. He released a shallow breath, dispelling his thoughts. As he slipped off to sleep he knew he'd never have to feel pain again. He thought of Renji's potent words, his infectious laugh, and his unforgettable smile. Death wasn't falling into an endless darkness. It was a release of everything he had ever been, everything he had seen and done. His soul faded like the stars in the morning light. He simply just let go.


End file.
